A Grateful Heart

            "Gratitude is the feeling of being thankful or appreciative." That is what I found when I looked up the exact definition of gratitude. The website also went on to say, "An example of gratitude is how someone would feel if their friend did something exceptionally nice for them." I have a problem with this as the example of what gratitude is. Are we really only supposed to be grateful for the things that are "exceptionally nice?" I don't believe so. This past year has been continually challenging for me and has lately become even more so. I keep wondering when I will get a break and have things start turning around for me, and while it's good to have a positive spirit, I got so caught up in wanting more for myself that I missed what I already had. I've been taking every challenge as an obstacle that I have to simply survive through to get to the good stuff waiting for me, instead of analyzing what the reason for the obstacle was in the first place. I had it all wrong.
            -Here's an example that isn't too deep... I didn't have a smart phone until my senior year. I got my first phone in sixth grade, my parents were divorced and it just made things easier.  I was SO excited to get it, I was so thankful and kept squealing at my mom "You did NOT! You did NOT get me a phone!" But I quickly took it for granted. When it came time to get a new phone, I always wanted the best one on the market, but I usually ended up with the cheapest one. I went through 3 1/2 years of high school as one of the few people who still didn't have internet access. I begged and begged my mom to get me a better phone, one that had apps and games and internet when I had absolutely no reason for them. Of course I didn't realize this at the time, but I do now. And after a few months of having my smart phone, I started complaining that it froze, the internet wasn't as fast as the iPhone, etc. Soon after that, my screen cracked and it has even more glitches than before. I see now that maybe if I had appreciated the basic phone, my mom might have been more quick to get me that smart phone. If I had thanked her for simply replacing every teenage girl abused phone, which she didn't have to do, or if I had not been so careless with them in the first place, I might have had the nicer phone in my hands sooner. And now that my phone is in horrible condition, I'd gladly take back a frozen inbox every now and then. 
            And so brings me to the bigger picture. Looking back on the past year, and taking in how some small problems have turned into massive ones, accepting the lessons I have and am still learning from, I am so grateful for the mess I'm in. I am growing and learning and becoming a better, stronger, more benevolent person. Here's a recap:

             -Last fall, my brother was diagnosed with Cancer. (That is a whole different story in itself and is such a perfect example of how God works His perfect plan for our lives.) And as heartbreaking and traumatic as it was to accept that news, I am thankful that my brother and family and friends had to go through that. I'd never want to again, but I'm thankful for it. I was so angry at God for letting this happen. But through that experience, I learned that as always, God was working on something far more powerful than cancer. My family has had its share of difficulties but I am so blessed to say we haven't had to deal with many things like this. We've had crazy car wrecks, health scares, and other unfortunate circumstances but never anything that wasn't just another "close call" that we knew would be okay right off the bat. I took that for granted. This was the first time I was actually terrified I would lose a part of my family. I see now that although for the most part, the Wendells are pretty invincible, we are still human. And we still need to remember that we aren't promised another day. I now cherish my family even more and make a bigger effort to be sure I'm getting the most out of every text, phone call, and visit. I'm so happy to say that he is now healed and healthy and loving on his precious son that just turned four years old. Thank you Jesus. I am grateful.
            
             -I've struggled so much with how hard Auburn really is. I'm worried I may not get to experience all four years here, and keep wondering why God would send me here and allow me to be accepted if He knew I wouldn't be able to handle it. And then I realized I could be in one of two situations. Maybe I can handle it and it will all be fine. I'll get into the swing of things eventually and enjoy four years of War Eagle moments. Or, maybe God has something else for me, but knows how much I wanted the college experience of going to my dream school, being in a sorority, and being a part of the Auburn family before throwing me into a whole different scenery and life plan. Either  way, I know that God is sovereign. And I'm going to end up where I belong. If I'm not supposed to be here in the future, I won't be. I have other dreams and aspirations and I know that God wouldn't root those feelings so deeply within me if they meant nothing. But either way, I'm not going to waste time worrying and moping around about whether or not I'll be here in the future, when God has me here right now. I am grateful.


            -I am a really forgiving person, with  a servant's heart. That doesn't mean I use it as much as I probably should, but it's there and comes into play every single day. Because of these two character qualities, I quickly become the "go to" person for most people. And as much as I love doing things for other people, and I know I shouldn't ask for anything in return, it still hurts that it's rarely reciprocated. Recently, many people that I love and care about have hurt me in ways that I felt were irreversible. I now see that this attitude is unacceptable. "We love because He first loved us." Who am I to think it's appropriate for me to hold a grudge, when the Man who knows that person's heart and sees them for what they are still forgives them? I am nothing. It's not about me. So I am grateful for the people who hurt me, whether that is my family, my friends, my boyfriend, or a stranger. I am grateful that I have the opportunity to forgive them because it reminds me that my hands are just as dirty as theirs are, but God still looks at me and says "that one is mine." And while I know it would be foolish to believe that everyone can appreciate that and not continue to take advantage of me, I also know that in the end, by forgiving someone else I'm really freeing myself more than them. Because chances are, the other person is either completely oblivious to what they've done, or they've already forgiven themselves and have moved on. And that's enough for me. I am grateful.

It is easy to be grateful for things that make you happy. But it's good for the heart to be grateful for the things that are difficult. For the missed opportunities, because they often lead to more meaningful ones. For friends who take advantage of you, because it shows you the ones who appreciate you. For hard times in relationships, because they either allow you to be set free of someone that is toxic to your life, or to be shown how much they really mean to you. For the  mistakes you make, because they allow you to look at your heart on a deeper level. And despite the struggle, embarrassment, hurt, or whatever it may be that come with these things, you're allowed to be proud of the comebacks you make from them. Isn't that what it's all about? You learn and grow and become a better person... but you have to be grateful first.

Kony 2012

How precious are they. Just saying. Anyway, I don't even know where to begin with this. So it's gonna be scatterbrained. Long hair don't care. This post is not me trying to talk you into supporting Kony 2012 or getting you to join the Invisible Children club. So give it a chance. I wrote this because yes I'd love to share how I feel with the public but mostly, I just need to get things off my chest. So please, save yourself the time writing me a long drawn out argument because I'm not going to read or fight back.  And the last thing I would want to do is beg someone to fight for something they don't care about or disagree with.

First of all, I am THRILLED to see that the war in the Sudan is getting the attention it has deserved for the last 30 years. It is disgusting what is being done and just as disgusting that it has gone without attention. There have been news articles here and there since the 80's but no one really ever glanced twice. In my high school, the Invisible Children club was something I really enjoyed being involved in and was successful for the most part. Kony 2012 is NOT the first video made by IC. There are many others, and many clips from Kony 2012 are actually excerpts from them. This is not a new thing, obviously, since it has been going on for nearly 30 years, but the Invisible Children "movement" I guess you could say has been trying to get noticed for years. Many of the same people I went to high school are now becoming deeply concerned with what's going on with Joseph Kony after watching Kony 2012, and the sad thing is that for four years we were basically begging them to listen. But you know what? It doesn't matter. Because it's finally exposed. And before some of you get on your high horse claiming to be one of the "original" people helping this movement, just stop. If that's what is important to you, I would hardly classify that as the attitude of a humanitarian. So don't call all these people "bandwagoners." If people are hopping on a bandwagon that is focusing on the welfare of children, I don't understand how anyone in their right mind could take offense to that. Now let me get back on track... When Obama sent troops over to Uganda in October, the news article was barely two paragraphs long and the overall coverage on the story was minimal. Who are we to blame for this delay and lack of information? Who's fault is it that people are just now becoming aware? I'm not sure if it's our fault as a country for becoming numb to what is going on in third world countries, or the media for understanding our lack of concern, thus labeling it as something that doesn't "concern" or "interest" the majority of America as viewers and readers, and not wasting their time covering these current events. I think the major reason for this is because from what I observe in everyday conversation, social media, etc. is that many people see third world countries and most of the continent of Africa as a lost cause altogether. The late night Feed the Children commercials have become something we are used to. It isn't shocking or upsetting to most people. The general attitude toward these issues is that there will always be hunger, they're all dying of AIDS anyway, even if I do pay 25 cents a day, they are all basically sentenced to death so it doesn't matter. Who cares if they can't afford an education. It's not like they need that to farm. And now, who cares if they are child soldiers? It's not like they were doing anything with their lives in the first place. WRONG. They are human beings. And no human being should be subject to these kinds of atrocities.

This is not just about Joseph Kony. This is not about donating three dollars to TRI and buying your Kony 2012 Kit. This is not about publicity for Invisible Children. That may be what it is to some, but that's not what it should be. This should be about standing up for our fellow man and claiming them as a human being. A child of God. A person with the potential for greatness. Worthy of a life without fear.  Liberation. Putting an end to rape and sex slavery. Ensuring that children can go to sleep at night without the fear of being snatched from their homes. Ending wars. Taking back stolen childhoods. And I'm not just talking about in the Sudan. And I'm not talking about in Somalia. I'm talking about everywhere, all the time, in the past, right now, in the future. 2012 is not going to be the end of the world, but I do believe it could be the beginning of the end of a war. An emotional one. The war against ourselves. Against indifference, and turning our cheek to our neighbor when they're in need. The war against ignorance and being uneducated about what's going on in our world today. The war against basically everything that essentially leads to a militaristic war.

There is so much hype going on with Invisible Children. Criticism on how their money is spent, if everything they're saying is really true, who they actually support, etc. I've read the "visible children" article. I've read the articles that defend IC from what is said in the visible children article. And I encourage you to as well. Educate yourself as much as possible when it comes to this and take your OWN stance on what you believe because if all you have done is simply watch the Kony 2012 video, I am sorry, but you are still so naive to what is going on. There are hours of film you can watch on this, both provided by Invisible Children and not.  I am so excited about the Invisible Children club getting started at Auburn and if you support IC I would be overjoyed for another member. But I honestly could care less whether or not you agree with Invisible Children as a group or not. Because, like I said, this isn't about them. By supporting what is going on with Kony 2012 and encouraging you to as well, I am in no way asking you to claim yourself as an "Invisible Children supporter." It's not about a label. This is about bringing justice that is long overdue. You don't have to spend any money to do your part to stop this. Pick up the phone and call someone. A senator, or a family member that isn't aware of what's going on. Write letters to people in our government expressing how you feel. This war was going on long before Invisible Children was created, they don't have to be associated with each other if you don't want them to be. They don't have to go hand in hand. You can be an advocate for one without the other. Don't let your disagreement with a certain campaign stop you from taking action or caring about this situation if it has moved you. Stop telling people not to support the spread of the video just because you disagree with Invisible Children. The video is informational. Just because it says how you can get involved with IC doesn't mean you have to.

For those of who you do support IC, that's awesome for you. You're not alone. For those of you who don't, props for knowing your beliefs. You're not alone either. But either way, I encourage you to pray for this situation. For our government, for these children, for the LRA, and for Joseph Kony.

And if you really don't care about what's going on in the Sudan, then that's what floats your boat. But I hope that you are at least inspired to stand up for SOMETHING you believe in. In just a few days, millions of people have joined the fight to stop Joseph Kony. It shows that when exposed to the terrors that are so very real in our world, people want to do something about it. If your thing is Pro-Life, putting and end to world hunger, whatever, start a campaign. Be heard. Because you aren't the only person out there who wants to make a difference, and you're not the only one who cares. Many just don't know how or aren't aware of all of the things that are wrong with our society. So quit complaining that no one does anything for YOUR cause, or the troubled youth of America, and get off of your couch and YOU do something about it. You have the power to you know.

Everyone knew about the 72 day wedding. Few knew about the 30 year war... until now. It's your voice. I don't care what you do with it, but do SOMETHING with it.

Get some sense.

I'm going to start this out by saying I'm sorry. Not for everything that I'm about to say, but for being a part of a generation of young women that completely lack self-respect, and find this behavior to be acceptable. It's disgusting, embarrassing, and should not be tolerated. This should all be common sense. Here we go.

• Facebook and Twitter

-The bar/club/party pictures: It is not cute when you hold your solo cup level with your face. It takes less time to just put the cup or bottle down and take a picture you wouldn't hesitate to frame for grandma than it does to gather and pose with every available cup/bottle/cigarette available within a 500 ft radius. We understand, you're in high school or college and probably drinking. But it's really unnecessary to reiterate that you're consuming large amounts of alcohol and smoking by documenting it on social media. 

-Bathroom Mirror Pictures: Whatever, y'all are going to take them and most aren't that bad. But what's embarrassing is when you hike your leg up on the bathroom counter and lean over so that your cleavage would make Pamela Anderson herself envious. Gross.
-Bathing Suit Pictures: Everybody has some, I've got some. They're fun at the pool, layin out, and definitely at the beach. But don't sit there posing in the bathroom mirror uploading one every single day and then whine about not being able to find a nice guy that respects you. I AM LAUGHING AT YOU. And judging from the facebook post I made about this last week, so are about forty other people.
-The infamous boobs out, butt out, hand on hip so I look skinnier pose: You have 109 likes on your photo NOT because you are pretty but because you're posing like a contortionist and sticking out every available asset as far as possible. That cannot be comfortable, for you or for the teachers you added on facebook from last year.
-Picture captions: Oh my gosh I am so embarrassed just reading some of them... *nAtural Beauty..* HEhehe I'm a N3RD. Look at my glasses! SPR!NG BREAK B0D. ~~~~imperfect~~~~ .....quit that.
-"Oh mah y'alll GAahhhh I am sewwwwwwwwww drink!!!!!!!!! Sh00tttttss for everywhere LOSTMY SHOEs": Stop it. Now. No need to elaborate on this. And if you text this to people, be decent enough to apologize for texting them hieroglyphics the next morning.

• Boys.

I wish there were enough words to say how disappointed I am to hear some of these stories about girls. This just saddens me more than it aggravates me. If your parents didn't raise you not to sleep around, and if you read the following, you no longer have an excuse for your actions. Not that you really had one in the first place, but you've now been made aware of what you're doing, and if you continue to behave in the same manner the only person you have to blame is yourself.

-Just because a guy sleeps with you does NOT mean he likes you or even thinks you're remotely attractive. He texts you with smiley faces and calls you beautiful because he knows you're going to believe it. Yeah, it's sad that guys are like this, but you don't have to be a genius to figure out it's an act. I know that guys can be so manipulative but there's a reason that one of the first words you learned growing up was "no." So if you fall for it, stop lying to yourself, messaging him on facebook, texting him, etc. You only think that he's interested. You're under the impression that he's attracted to you and flirting with him will bring him back for more. But the only thing he's coming back for is to sleep with you. So stop. Cut off communication, put on some clothes, and move on with your life. Make a guy prove to you that you're different and worth more than that. And don't come at me saying that's hard to do. All you have to do to prove it is literally nothing. Don't sleep with him. If he still comes back, he genuinely likes you. COMMON SENSE Y'ALL.

-Sleeping around with an entire fraternity or friend group does not mean you're popular. It does not mean you're living the college girl dream. It does not mean they sit around the house talking about how you're sooo hot. It does not mean you're the frat sweetheart. But it does mean you're the slampiece. And they do sit around the house and talk about you. But you'd be embarrassed to hear what they're saying.

-Incessantly trying to get the attention of someone in a relationship: What the heck is your problem? You're embarrassing yourself to no end. And honestly you're disrespecting yourself more than the two people in that relationship, because you're allowing yourself to be a target. And if you're helping a guy cheat on a girl, I'm embarrassed for you. That doesn't make you "powerful" or better than his girlfriend. I mean he obviously doesn't care that much about his girlfriend, but he cares about you even less because he is still with her. You are second. And even if you are acting like a slut, you deserve better than to be second.

You do not need to cover your Facebook and Twitter with uncouth and trashy things to get attention. Unless you want attention from uncouth and trashy people. You do not need to sleep with every guy to feel like you're worth something, because the man that sees you for all of your worth is the one who created you. 

There is so much more I want to say but I'll leave it at that. Stop making a fool of yourself and leading the rest of society to believe that all girls ages 13-20 are like this. Because we aren't, and you're making all of us look bad.


****After being contacted and asked why I am so judgemental, I'd like to add this: I'm not judging, I clearly stated that I think girls like this deserve more than the negative feedback you get from guys. If I was judging I would have no sympathy. That's the purpose of this post. To make y'all aware that you are doing it to yourself.  If you want to go make a fool of yourself and scream YOLO as loud as possible, be my guest. But don't sit there and cry about not being respected or liked or about how you have an STD. That is all.